An update on my pregnancy with baby #2 as well as a few poems to describe my pregnant feelings at the moment.
Tips For Starting Kindness Young
I recently had a post published on Today Parenting regarding teaching our kids to be kind. In a world where bullying is a major issue, finding methods to teach kindness to our kids starting at a very young age is essential. In this article, I talk about what we do in our household to teach our 2.5 year old how to be kind. The hardest part, yet the most essential, is being an example of kindness yourself. Sometimes behind closed doors, we forget ourselves and we forget that even though we are not in public, our little people are always watching. We start to vent and criticize and our children learn from how we speak about people. Treating our children and family members kindly is important. But it is also important to speak kindly of others and value kindness in others.
To see how we are teaching kindness to T, check out my article below.
Happy Monday!!
Emily
Happy Marriage Tips
There are a lot of things that go into a happy marriage. It's not like the movies, well some movies, like the uber romantic ones where everyone is happy all the time. People disagree, people accidentally hurt each other's feelings, people have annoying habits. Things like that don't suddenly change because you got married. A week ago was my husband's and my 4 year anniversary. While we don't have a perfect marriage, I think every marriage is a work in progress that lasts your lifetime, I do think we have learned a few useful things along the way.
Communication is the key. I know, I know, everyone says that. But it's not necessarily actually telling your spouse what you think and feel that is a problem. It's knowing when and how to say it. You might say, I tell my husband all the time to put his clothes away when he comes home instead of leaving it on the floor and nothing comes of it. Yes, you are communicating, but it's not in the most effective way. We'll use this as our example.
If you come home from work and you know you have to get dinner made and the first thing you see is your husband's dirty socks on the floor, your gut reaction might be to say "How many times have I asked you to just put your dirty socks in the hamper? It's not that hard. It's only 2 ft from where you dropped them." This will not be effective. It immediately puts your spouse on the defensive, and who can blame them. You are definitely on the attack.
Instead, don't bring it up. Pick up the socks and put them away, cause let's face it, if you are not bringing it up, they not going to jump into the hamper themselves. Although you are not bringing it up at the moment, do make a mental note that this behavior drives you bananas. Now the next day or a few days later, you might have a wonderful date night or even just a fun day with the kids. While you are both happy and pleased with each other, now you can bring up the socks. Instead of stating how you can't understand why such a simple task seems beyond him, choose your words more carefully. Explain that when he throws his socks on the floor instead of in the hamper it makes you feel that he does not respect the effort you make to maintain the household or it makes you feel that he does not take pride in your home. Make it about you and how it makes you feel. Your spouse may see it as no big deal, and they just don't understand why you get so upset. Therefore, they never make the mental note to stop the behavior. When you tell them why you get so upset at a time when you are not upset, they can really get the message. Out of respect for your feelings they can make the effort to change their behavior. Yelling doesn't have that kind of reaction.
Another key is to praise your spouse when they actually do what you have asked. So when you come home and find no socks on the floor, thank your spouse for putting them away. Even though in your mind, it doesn't seem praiseworthy, your spouse will appreciate the recognition for their effort. This encourages them to continue doing it in the future.
This communication technique can and should be used for all kinds of situations, big or small. It takes effort to not immediately fly off the handle about something you've told your spouse a million times. I can't claim that I have the control to do this always. But I can say that when I have, the results are much better.
Another tip for spousal communication is to make things about you. I don't mean this in a narcissistic way. I mean, when you ask (you should be asking, not telling) your spouse to do something, make it about you. I.e. instead of saying "please call the chimney cleaner today" say "Could you do me a favor and call the chimney cleaner today? I'm hoping to get the chimney cleaned before we really need to turn on the heat." When you phrase it as a favor instead of a demand, you are more likely to get results. It also makes your spouse feel like they are helping you out instead of being your servant.
Also, don't give tasks as a laundry list. 1 favor a day means 7 favors done in a week! When you give a list, you are lucky to get 2-3 done. Again, lists make you spouse feel like a servant, not a partner.
Lastly, be thankful. As easy as some tasks are, they are not necessarily on the forefront of your spouse's mind. You are not the same person and you prioritize things differently. So for you the chimney cleaner might be number one, but for him, he may not be able to work on something until the house is clean. Be aware of this and appreciate when he takes the time out to do your priority.
Marriage is work and communication is key. Remember, it's not just what you communicate, it's how and when you do it. As my husband can tell you, I can be demanding at times and I do not always put these tips into practice. But it is something we both consciously work on to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.
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Prepping for Baby #2
Disclaimer: The Multitasking Mom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Anything linked within this post are items that the author, herself, would purchase and all other content continues to be the author's own opinion.
At first, when you learn that you are pregnant with #2, you think: "I've done this before" and "I know what to do" and "I won't need to buy hardly anything". But, depending on how long it's been between babies, there are things you forget, things you can't reuse, and things that the first child is still using. For example, for T, we got a convertible crib which is now in it's toddler bed form. While we won't need a new crib for #2 (the toddler bed will be converted back) we will need a new bed for T. While were on the topic, he will also need a new dresser for all his big brother sized clothes.
Other things that may or may not be reusable are clothes. Some are too stained and damaged to save, others may be gender specific. So how do you check what you really need?
My method is to pretend like this is a first baby and download an app or printout a baby registry list. You can find registry 101 lists here: http://www.thebump.com/a/registry-101. Then check off the things you know for sure you don't need to re-buy for example an infant carrier, and infant car seat, high chair, bouncer, etc., i.e. anything that is reusable and not gender specific. For items you will be passing down, adjust the listing to your needs. So I will cross off crib and write toddler bed and next to dresser, I will write "for T". These are things we will still need to buy before #2 comes around.
Some of our clothes and towels and accessories are gender neutral. So they can for sure be reused. If you find out the gender of baby #2 in advance this can help you finish off your shopping list. If your second person is the same gender as your first, there may be very little to buy in regards to clothes. If not, you can sort through what you have saved from number one and then update your registry list to reflect what you already have.
No matter what the gender, we definitely plan to have a new theme for baby #2's nursery, so bedding and changing table covers will be replaced either way. We will also be replacing our baby monitor which T broke one day by spiking the monitor across the living room...
My favorite site to register on is Amazon's Baby Registry. They just have everything. We plan on registering for a few things for T too! We want him to feel like a part of the celebration and not be left out. We will also be registering for some items at a brick and mortar store as we know some people prefer that. (I can say that I'm not one of them, but we like to accommodate.)
Cheers,
Emily
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Make Dinner Fast and Easy
As a busy mom who works full time, sometimes its hard to motivate yourself to cook a full meal or even cook in the first place after a full day of work. We need go to ways to make dinner fast and easy. Sometimes dads are able to pitch in. Sadly, in my house that is not the case. My husbands culinary skills are not the most robust. He can boil water and make a mean grilled cheese though...
Why Not Add One More
This is quickie post to explain me being MIA for like a week. I have been feeling tired and run down and pretty much not like my normal energetic self. This is completely atypical for me. I eat well, I workout, and so generally, I am one of those super annoying always active people.
These last few weeks, not so much...
So, we did some tests and went to the doctor, and we can now officially say "We are expecting #2 in May 2016!!"
In a way this is nice because it forces me to take a break and take some things off my plate. For example, I will probably not be performing for a while or competing in pageants. I will still be teaching dance however, which is awesome since I need some dancing in my life!! I will also still have my nonprofit to run and my job and grad school. So still plenty to do!!
We will also be moving prior to the baby coming (fingers crossed). We definitely need more space if we hope to fit another person in our house.
T is super excited to be a big brother although he has no idea what that means. I think he just likes to say the phrase. Either way we plan to try to include him in things as much as possible. For example for the gender reveal I want to have him open a box and then either blue or pink balloons will come out. I know he won't know what it means, but I thought it would be a fun way to include him. We also got him a big brother book and shirt.
Any other ideas on including your kids in prepping for a new baby are definitely welcome!! Definitely put your 2 cents in the comments!!
Thanks for all your love and support!! More tips will be coming later this week, don't you fret!!
Cheers,
Emily
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Toddlers and Trips: How to Combine the Two
As a toddler mom with several road trips under her belt, there are a few useful tips that I’ve learned that I though I’d share. Especially, with all the pumpkin/apple picking trips coming up, I thought this might be pertinent.
The first tip is about departure time. We have found it best to choose a departure time shortly before lunch. We pack a lunch, pack up the car and head out. As soon as the toddler starts to get cranky, we whip out our packed lunch and eat. This keeps him content a while longer. After lunch is his usual nap time, so we get additional quiet travel time as the short man naps. This process gives you a good several hours of travel time without having to entertain your toddler.
When going on longer trips, we like to plan our route and note interesting locations along the way. We plan breaks in our trip by finding places that only take 1-2 hours to check out, but are perfect for toddlers to get their wiggles out.
While driving, we make up games based on what our toddler is into at the moment. So when he was all about colors, we would point out the colors of the things we passed by. When he's into singing, we have sing-a-longs of his favorite songs. When he's into counting, we count the cars we pass. We also have special toys reserved for when we are out of the house. This makes them more exciting to play with since we don't get to play with them all the time.
While we are not cool enough to have a built in DVD player in our car, we will load a few movies and TV shows onto our iPad as a last resort. The best thing is to be prepared and have several options for your toddler. Toddlers are fickle creatures and can be unpredictable, but coming in prepared is your best bet.
Good luck!!
Cheers,
Emily
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The Liebster Award
I am very excited and honored to have received a Liebster Award, which recognizes new bloggers. The award is given to new bloggers from other bloggers with less than 200 followers. It’s a fabulous way to show encouragement and support to the blogging community. I began creating my blog in August, and I'm just starting to promote and talk about its contents because well, I am a busy mom! I was nominated by Eileen who writes an awesome food and family blog called everydayeileen.com! Eileen has great recipes some of which I have pinned myself, and her story is truly inspiring! I highly advise you all to please check out her blog site everydayeileen.com and like her on social media! She is awesome! The rules, or guidelines, if you will, for the nominees of a Liebster Award are:
Post your award to your blog. Answer the questions that were given by the person nominating you. Nominate a small group of other new bloggers you’ve discovered. Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer. Thank the blogger who nominated you, and link back to their blog.
1 What three pieces of advice would you offer to other new bloggers?
My 3 pieces of advice would be:
1) Just start! you can worry about making your site pretty and adding cool features little my little. The important thing is to get your content out there.
2) Be consistent. It's hard, but regular posts keep people interested and lets new viewers know that this is something you are actively working on. It makes them more likely to subscribe. Even if your post just says I don't have time for a post, you are showing that you are active and aware that a post was due.
3) Have a good mix of fun and content! People come to the internet for info, so you need to provide useful content. But every post doesn't have to be strictly informative. Share fun stories and show that while you have great info, you are a person too!!
2 How did you come up with the idea or theme of your blog?
As a busy mom, it just made sense to share what I have learned about balancing life, family, work, and everything else. I don't know if I'm an expert, but I have definitely learned a lot of tips and tricks along the way. I have always been super busy/involved, so some of these tips come from my pre-mom life, but all of it is useful now!!
3 What is something you would like to do with your blog that you have not done yet?
Eventually, I would like to have guest posts to expose my audience to other talented bloggers. I hope to also have the opportunity to post on other blogs down the line.
4 Where would you like to see your blog in one year?
In a year, I hope to have a healthy following and have shared lots of useful advice with my audience. I am also working on 2 books that I hope to promote here and elsewhere!!
5 What is the average length of time you spend on preparing a blog post?
Generally, about an hour or two including adding pics, and tags and headlines, etc..
6 How much time during the day do you spend on your blog?
I try to post about 2 times a week. I also send out a weekly newsletter which can take up to an hour to put together. On the rest of the days, I just come on to check comments and messages.
7 Has has social media helped you with growing your blog, and if so, what is your favorite form of social media?
Somewhat, I am still working on that end. My favorite form is Facebook. Twitter is too fleeting. You post something and its pushed down the feed in seconds. I also really like Pinterest for sharing posts.
8 Describe yourself using three words!
silly, smart, ambitious
9 What has been your biggest blogging challenge?
At this point, I'd say getting exposure. This early on, finding topics to post about is easy. The difficulty is getting these posts in front of the targeted audience, busy moms. Some moms feel they are too busy to sit and read blogs, so I try to keep my posts short but informative with a healthy dose of humor!
10 How do you motivate yourself to keep the blog up and running?
I motivate myself with the knowledge that I have something important and useful to share. Even if each post only helps one person, that one person is better off. I recently had someone tell me that they loved one of my posts and they would be using the info. Hearing positive feedback in definitely motivating as well!!
So, drumroll please!!! Here are my nominees for the Liebster Award, I really ask that you all check out these websites! These bloggers are providing some great information and I am really impressed with their content, and when you do check out their sites, share the love by subscribing to their blogs or liking their Facebook page, Twitter, etc…
Tassika, www.tassika.com - a motivating blog by a strong and talented woman and author
Katie, www.katiejoyphotographyny.com - a fantastic blog about family and photography.
Here are my questions for you all!
1 Please tell us about yourself and your blog?
2 What inspired you to create your blog?
3 What three pieces of advice would you offer to other new bloggers? (That was such a great question, I had to pass it on.)
4 What is something you would like to do with your blog that you have not done yet?
5 Where would you like to see your blog in one year?
6 Who are some of your favorite bloggers and why?
7 What are your current top 5 favorite things?
8 Describe yourself using three words!
9 What has been your biggest blogging challenge?
10 How do you motivate yourself to keep the blog up and running?
Congrats to the new nominees! These are some great sites everyone should go check out. And once again, thanks to Eileen www.everydayeileen.com !
I am looking forward to following these bloggers and can’t wait to see what they will be posting about next!!
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T's First Dance Class
Today I brought T to his first dance class. As a dancer, this was a day I was waiting for, for a very long time. It was also my son's first class experience without one of his parents with him. As a family, we are lucky enough that I work days and my husband works part time nights and weekends, so T is able to stay home and not attend day care. His one other class experience was swim class over the summer, but his dad was in the class with him. This time he was on his own.
As a dancer mom, I had mixed emotions. I couldn't wait for his first class, but I was unsure of how he would react. He had watched me teach class numerous times, but now he was the student and mom was going to off with the other moms in the waiting room.
At first he was excited to have space to run around in the dance room, but when class started he wasn't so sure. I stayed in the room at first to see if he'd warm up, but I soon realized he would not be participating if I was there. I took my first opportunity when he was detached from me, to make my getaway.
Conveniently, the dance school has cameras so you can watch your child from the waiting room. I watched as T stood by the door waiting for my return. He was intent on the class however. Soon he edged his way closer to the action. Eventually he stood with the group. By the time it was time to tap at the bar he was ready. Admittedly, he wasn't the best at following directions and was generally facing the opposite way at the bar, but he was participating!! I couldn't be prouder!!
This is especially noteworthy as he is also the youngest kid in the class and the only boy. The class ranges from 2.5-5 and he just turned 2.5 a few weeks ago. All in all i think it was a success. He already attempted to kiss one of the girls and came out of the class saying "T shuffle." What was helpful is that his teacher is one of my closest friends so he didn't feel like everyone was a stranger.
I can't wait until next Saturday to see how he progresses!!
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Surprise Eggs And Family Finger?!?!
This one goes out to the moms of toddlers and preschoolers. When my son was really small sometimes when we were out, we would let him watch videos on YouTube. It started out with us parents choosing Toy Story or Sesame Street videos as these were his favorite characters. Eventually, he learned how to pick his own videos to watch from the ones suggested. This led him to find the biggest baby crazy I never knew existed:
Surprise Eggs
You can find surprise eggs all over YouTube from all different channels and accounts. Some videos provide narration of the toys that are found in the eggs, others just provide music. The eggs are either plastic or chocolate wrapped in foil and generally feature various cartoon characters. Inside the eggs are small toys, stickers and key chains. Surprise eggs are difficult to find in the states as they are not distributed in the U.S.. This led us to have to order these eggs online so my son could open a few of his own. We have purchased a few boxes which we have given to him for special occasions.
On the other hand, the watching of egg videos eventually leads to watching videos for Shopkins and Mashems and pretty much any other toy that comes in a blind bag or surprise box. These other toys are available in the U.S.
These videos can be anywhere from basic to elaborate with puppets, animation, and giant eggs decorated in play doh to look like popular characters. My son can now sit and watch several videos of people unwrapping surprise toys in a row and be fully entertained. He now knows characters from shows he's never even seen because he's watched the toys unwrapped. He can even narrate a few of the videos with the host.
One time we went to a friends house who has a daughter about 6 months younger than T (my son) and she was watching Bubble Guppies. My son immediately started naming the characters. My friend asked me if he liked the show. I responded, "He's never seen it. He just knows them from watching their toys being unwrapped on YouTube." She looked confused; I told her just wait, her daughter will be doing it too!
Due to this obsession, we now have 15 Mashems at home several Shopkins, a minecraft mini figure and a few mini pops from Funko. When at the store my son will recognize any toy that comes in a surprise bag or box and proudly announce the name of the character. While this makes is easy to pick little toys every once in a while that we know he'll love, it makes it difficult to walk by the toy aisle of any drug store.
This brings me to my son's other YouTube obsession: Family Finger
This is a video of a hand and a song about the different fingers. The song starts out "Daddy finger, daddy finger, where are you? Here I am, here I am, how do you do?" They then repeat this for mommy, brother, sister, and baby. This can be very easy to learn for toddlers. Parents are on the fence of whether this is good or bad....
This video has thousands of versions using images of pretty much every cartoon character. So for example, there's a Toy Story family finger where each finger is one of the characters from the movie: daddy finger = Woody, mommy finger = Bo Peep, brother finger = Buzz, sister finger = Jessie, baby finger = Potato Head. The song is pretty catchy much to every parent's chagrin. My son has taught every member of our family the family finger song. He can sing this song endlessly without getting bored. Somehow he doesn't find it as mind numbing as his parents do.
Luckily, we are not alone. My husband was in H & M recently and he heard another toddler singing the family finger song. The toddlers dad confirmed that his daughter was also obsessed with the videos on YouTube.
Is your toddler or preschooler obsessed with family finger or surprise toys? Are they obsessed with something else from YouTube?
If you too have a child obsessed with Surprise Eggs you can find an assortment of eggs here: Eggs This is where we got them for the T monster and he loved them!! He also reenacted his own surprise egg videos...
Cheers,
Emily
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Pre-mom vs. mom vs. post-mom
Ok so the post-mom part of the title is a bit inaccurate, you never stop being a mom once you become one. I just mean to say post having your kids at home, but for title purposes, that seemed more catchy.
Today, I'd like to talk about why I think it's so important to be a multitasking mom, and it has to do with the 3 phases of a mom's life: pre-mom, mom, and post-mom.
Prior to becoming a mom, we all had lives and ambitions and we had a lot more time to ourselves to pursue whatever we wanted. We probably had jobs and families and all, but for the most part our free time was our own. Pre-T (my son), I worked full time, danced for sports teams, taught dance, took dance classes, was studying for actuary exams, and participating in community theater. When offered a new performance opportunity, I jumped at the chance. If a team practiced 3 times a week plus games, who cared. Dancing was how I enjoyed spending my time.
Now that I have T, guess what, I still enjoy dancing. Not only do I enjoy it, but I still pursue it. Just differently.
I still need to work full time to support the family. But my love for dance didn't stop just because I made a person. The thing about dance is your child rearing years are also your prime dance years. It's not exactly a field that you just jump back in when your kids are grown. Plus it makes me happy. I don't want to wait 18 years to make myself happy. So I adapt.
I still dance for companies and teams, but I choose teams that don't require as many practices. I teach at places that allow me to take my son with me and I specify when I am available to teach. I choose not to teach on weekends so I can have family time and I am available for all those fun weekend events that come up. I also select gigs that only require a few rehearsals, if any.
I make it work because while I love my husband and son and spending time with them, I know I am a better mom when I am feeling fulfilled. I am super lucky to have supportive family and friends as well. My inlaws are always willing to watch T if I have a rehearsal, my husband will bring T to my performances, and the places where I teach allow T to sit in class with me. Without that kind of support, I could never balance it all.
The emotional support is key as well. My husband encourages every endeavor I pursue. He never questions when I say I want to try something. When I decided to try pageants, that meant that our family vacations we're going to be wherever I was competing. My husband just asked when and where. He never questioned or complained or asked me to stop. We make it work.
This has a lot to do with my husbands pursuits as well. My husband works, but he also pursues acting. He understands the need to fulfill the part of yourself that was there pre-kids, so we work with each other so that both of us can pursue our outside interests.
Now back to the 3 stages. While it's important to pursue your interests during parenthood because you will be a happier better person, it's also important for after your kids grow up. If you do nothing for yourself when your kids are growing up, then what do you have when they leave? A lot of time and nothing to do. While it's perfectly acceptable to start trying new things at that point, it's nice to have something that you've maintained throughout.
You're the same person at all three stages. Your goals and dreams and inspirations may change, but you should never stop pursuing them. It's what makes you, you.
Love yourself and make time for yourself. It's one of the most important tasks in your multitasking life!!
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How to take care of yourself while you are taking care of others.